43

THE ARRANGEMENT

FORTY-THREE

If there is one thing that scares every fibre in my body, it is death. Funerals have a way of draining every living cell in me and crash my soul. I relive one loss that scarred me deeply. If I could, I would not attend any of them because they feed off on that loss and the fear I developed, fear of the death. As I sat through the service until the cemetery, all I could think about was Nonto and me in that coffin. It is a very scary yet paralysing though and I could not stop crying.

It should have been me to support Mshibe, but he is with me instead calming me down. I have attended very few distant relatives' funerals in my life which my mother forced but I have always made sure to never reach the cemetery. After the service I'd vanish and will only appear after.